Insane to imagine Rachel Weisz as a down-on-her-luck anything, much less a not-super-hot author and English professor in a disappointing marriage, but this is what we are called to do! Based on the novel of the same name, Rachel tries to escape her boring unhot life by Babygirling Leo Woodall — sexual chaos ensues (hopefully!)

Speaking of our babygirl, Nicole Kidman stars as Patricia Cornwell’s detective Kay Scarpetta. Nicole Kidman IS forensic pathologist Scarpetta. Nicole Kidman WILL play Virginia’s Italian-American Chief Medical Examiner, Kay Scarpetta. There’s so much camp in the setup alone, and I haven’t even told you that Jamie Lee Curtis and Ariana DeBose are the co-leads. Already picked up for two seasons!

Guys, it’s film’s biggest night on TV! We’re all winners here! I have never won an Oscar ballot, so I am not going to bog you down with predictions and also the Oscars are more indicative of marketing prowess than awarding artistic merit and recognizing cultural sea change BUT movies are amazing and I like to see people get prizes (see: the Olympics). Also the first year of CASTING to get an award!

Riz Ahmed wrote and stars in this miniseries about a British actor’s audition for James Bond sending his life into an existential spiral. It’s a comedy…I think…. Although I would welcome Riz Ahmed in Her Majesty’s Secret Service! Love an actor playing an actor, love a British comedy moment, love a six-episode commitment, love Riz Ahmed’s face.

Something Old:

Speaking of six-episode British delights: before Fleabag, Phoebe Waller-Bridge penned and starred in the delightfully acerbic romcom Crashing. Like New Girl on PCP, Crashing follows an unlikely group of roommates living together in an abandoned hospital. Lots of sexual insanity, bad decisions, and scathing witticisms ensue. Also featuring an early-in-his-career Jonathan Bailey!! Guys, you can watch it on Netflix!

The sequel to 2019’s bloody comedy/thriller Ready or Not. Unlike Now You See Me, it didn’t take them three movies to capitalize on the obvious followup title. Ready or Not launched its directing duo (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett) into the spotlight, where they proceeded to relaunch the Scream franchise and make Annabel (a vampire child eats criminals, etc). Ready or Not was a bloody campy good time, about how the rich stay rich via merciless blood ritual (tg it’s fiction!) This second outing is going even harder with Buffy herself entering the fray alongside Pitt-Zaddy Shawn Hatosy and David Cronenberg. Insane and I love it!

Cast your mind back to the whimsy and freedom of 2003: maybe you were gearing up for a midnight screening of Return of the King or omging over Madonna and Britney kissing on TV, OR MAYBE you were being charmed by a silent French animated comedy about little old ladies rescuing a cyclist from the mafia! Well good news for you, the director of Triplets of Belleville is out of retirement with a new animated biography feature about French writer and filmmaker Marcel Pagnol. This whole bit is going to be funny to like, three people.

The aughteens saw a sea change of the reigning indie genre mumblecore giving way to the rising intellectual horror of A24 and Neon. But what if I told you…you could have both at once. Enter action/horror/comedy, You’re Next. A cast filled with mumblecore and rising indie filmmakers, in a remote house, brutally attacked by masked strangers. Simple, yes — but sometimes the best things are, like a freshly bloomed flower or a perfectly made pancake. Also if you have ever wanted to see Ti West absolutely get got, boy do I have good news for you.

The year? 1928. The place? An all girl’s school chock filled with secrets and latent same-sex attraction. The plot? A girl has plunged to her death and her school chums with names like Evelyn and Emily have to unspool the mystery before it’s too late. The obstacle? GHOSTS OBVIOUSLY. Gothic haunted schoolgirl mystery, here I come.

I have extolled the literary virtue (read: fangirled out) of Tana French’s mystery novels here in the past, so I am HYPE to announce she has a new one this very month! This book is the last in a trilogy following an American ex-cop who has moved to the Irish countryside to escape past trauma and death. You’re never going to believe it though guys, even in this rural community he has found NEW trauma and death to contend with. Vibier and more atmospheric than her Dublin Murder Squad series, they are still captivating mysteries centering on a small town community that seems intent on committing new and varied crimes. The first two entries in this triptych are The Searcher and The Hunter; read those first and then meet me back here.

How can you not be romantic about Hollywood? In this gloriously researched book, Schulman traces the history of motion pictures through the lens of the Academy Awards. A true BTS look at how the Oscars have been both a shepherd and obstacle to careers, art, and business. If you, like me, love learning new things via the voice of gossip and fabulous anecdotes about celebrities, this is for you! Thank you Anna for the recco!

Stormy
I share this with caution, because whenever I go down a TikTok brain rot hole, it is always with my friend Stormy here. Stormy is a self-taught seamstress who makes sparkly dresses on a wing and a prayer. She cuts without measuring, she pins directly on her bestie, she has a rich lore with her stupid ex. Her outfits always come out cute, and before you know it you’ve lost 2 hours of your life. Enjoy at your own risk.